I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize