well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
