I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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