She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
