i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
