Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
