Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
