Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
