absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
