There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hippo gnu deer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
