ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have aggressive nipples.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
