i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
