I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
