Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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