The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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