Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
