Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she woke up with a sticky ear
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
