do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
