very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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