is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize