He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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