There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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