I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
