i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
