he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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