STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
