You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
