He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
