We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
