With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
