census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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