"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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