I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
