are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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