Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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