i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
