do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
