Duck Duck Cougar?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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