I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
