i jhust puked up my retainher.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
