Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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