i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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