i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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