I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
