whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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