I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
