My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
