So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How does one acquire holy water?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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