those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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