he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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