ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We just shotgunned beers for America
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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