we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
