my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
