Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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