did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
