Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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