She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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