I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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