He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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