I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
