You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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