I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He has the fingertips of a God
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