i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
