Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
