she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
