There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
