Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
