So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
