planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
