We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
