apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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