I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pants are for mortals
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
