you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
