Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize