Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize