Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
