oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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