also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
