the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
