If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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