i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
