Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
