I haven't been this sober since birth.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have fence marks all over my body
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
