it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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