Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I understand Curling. That high.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
