it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
