his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize