dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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