I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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