Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
