RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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