my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Too much gin, very little bucket
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
