They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
