Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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