Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize