her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
