filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize