I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
