my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
