First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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