Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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