just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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