i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
