Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
