Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
